Space Health Force — ‘Billionaires in Space’ subsidize global recovery.
I have an idea. And, it is absolutely brilliant! Trust me, I’m a doctor.
(Spoiler Alert — please keep your tongue in cheek at all times during this journey).
We have all heard about the ‘Billionaires in Space’, not to be confused with ‘Pigs in Space’ (https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Pigs_in_Space), which was much more satisfying and cheaper. The truth is that the wealthy that travel to space need proper medical care during space travel and deserve the best that we, healthcare providers can offer, particularly to our astronauts that may be uncovered by traditional healthcare models and payors. I mean, after all, if you go off-roading in a rental car, damage protection is not covered; thereby, if you go out of this world beyond the stratosphere, then your Earth-bound health insurance plan could not possibly cover you. (Actuaries, sharpen your pencils!) Considering that the insurance companies will consider space health insurance another profiteering opportunity, buyer beware.
I mean, what is a wealthy minuteman to do?
Now we must acknowledge that the world must be able to handle healthcare in space. I mean, if the next round of billionaires are going to fly into space for 10–14 minutes at a time, we will need galactic specialty healthcare for these astronauts. We have all heard of concierge medicine, right? We already have NASA, and now a radically innovative Spaceforce. Now, let’s launch a new initiative, whereby we, as physicians offer a service to provide healthcare in space with private concierge-style medical doctors that understand space medicine and the challenges that people will experience by travelling to space for such a prolonged pico-milli-light year and back. We can call them Private Space Docs, or better yet, Docs In Space! That would be so cool, am I right? I am sure nobody has thought of this before (and hopefully nobody bought those websites already).
With all seriousness, we know there are short and long-term challenges with space travel related to organ, muscle and bone tissues and diseases, but there are also various mental disorders that can occur in space-faring species (see Wookieepedia), particularly in lengthy space travel, like the kind we are discussing (Bezos bosons?). We must be ready to deal with all these treatment dilemmas and I have a wonderful solution to this dire need. Ignore the fact that the field of Space Medicine already exists. It’s not sexy enough and we truly intend to ‘Use the Force’ akin to Grogu. Essentially, we need some truly remarkable health enforcers in space to treat your ailment woes.
Wait for it…
Space Health Force, SHF (and yes, there is a website www.spacehealthforce.com) — A team of specialty-trained physicians can be waiting on the sidelines, ready to jump into space anytime a wealthy argonaut (intentional spelling error) coughs or spikes a fever on his/her journey above the stratosphere. Does space make you queasy? (expressed like a proverbial line from Austin Powers, the movie). Don’t worry, we have a pill and an operation for that. “Damn it, man, I’m a doctor, not a physicist!” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leonard_McCoy). But it will cost you your Earth-bound healthcare which may not have benefits for such travel. Our private group of expertly qualified Space Doctors will hop on a shuttle and take care of your needs in a jiffy, and for a modest supplemental, we can provide you peace of mind with our one-on-one hand-held in-flight companionship (covered life pays for ‘Docs in Space’ companion fare).
You see, in order for the SHF (or maybe the United SHF, or is it Galactic?) to help you, the wealthy client (the covered life, know referred to as the ‘Life’), each Life that buys a ticket to go up to space and to receive our privileged healthcare, must donate 10X their Annual Income (an actuarial calculation of healthcare valuation based on costs relative to employed income) towards solving one of the following Global Earth-bound problems: 1. Sanitation, 2. Clean Water, 2. Health, 3. Hunger, 4. Poverty, 5. Education, 6. Drought, 7. Pollution or 8. Peace. The Life has a choice amongst one of eight options (8 is a good number in many cultures). Bill and Melinda Gates, please create a bona-fide tax-deductible process for such magnanimous donations of which 10% is set aside for healthcare delivery costs by the USHF for the said Life.
So, if a billionaire makes an annual income of $10M, then they must donate $100M to Bill’s foundation in order to receive benefits under USHF — peanuts, I say for them. And, yet, with enough spacefarers, we can solve our Global crises in less than a year. Go go ‘Billionaires in Space’. (Bill, that was a joke but if you can make that happen, I will help you)
Brilliant, right? I know, sometimes I surprise even myself. And, if you are not laughing by now, then you are clearly an Adam Sandler fan and do not think I am that funny, obviously.
Cheers! ;D